Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Searching for some identity

Now that little r has started kindergarten (this idea is so fabulous I can't stop smiling every time I think about it), in theory, I should now have my mornings to myself.  Being a stay-at-home-mom generally means you've either learned to do most things with a child in tow or you've learned how to do without. That said, there are certain things I would much prefer doing on my own, and there are several things I no longer WANT to do without.

Little r is in school from about 8:30 a.m. until around noon. It's not a large amount of time, but it is enough to get my life back on track and start some routines.  Also, not working has hit me hard.  Many of us dream of the day when we are not required to work, and yet here I am dreaming about the day I go back.  This has less to do with wanting a daily "job" and more to do with the fact that I really miss practicing law.

I'm not sure exactly how this will all work out, but I decided to set some goals for myself so that I can find a new identity and enrich my life (to use the wise words of a good friend).  I have a life that many would dream about, so it's time to recognize this and make the most of it.  So here are a list of a few of my new goals:

1. Take better care of myself.  I have been working full time since I graduated from high school.  At different points in my life I have had more time to dedicate to going to the gym, running, and eating well. Not only had I run completely out of time, but then I had little r and all of my free time was absorbed into loving him to the core.  It's hard to argue with that :)  All that aside, the next couple of years could very well be the last time, in a very long time, that I will be able to dedicate myself to building a healthier body.  Enter Jamie Eason's 12-week live fit program. I've been calling it a "12-week plan", but I've decided to start calling it my "12-week challenge."  Spending upwards of five to six days a week at the gym is pretty time intensive and I'm a little worried that it might be overzealous for me to do.  It is ONLY 12-weeks though. 12 measly weeks. I know I can do it, but I think it's more appropriate for me to admit to myself that it is going to be a challenge. Like training for a marathon, this is going to take some serious motivation AND dedication.  Big R encouraged me to do it.  He said that I need to do something for myself.  So, here I am.  I am in the middle of the second week. I'll let you know how it's going.  Here is a link to the program:

2.  Author a Legal Blog.  The harsh reality that legal work is not going to be available here for me is finally sinking in, and it's sinking in hard.  I refuse to accept that I need to pull away from the things that I'm passionate about.  Big R and I decided when we made this move with the Army that we would be ok financially.  For the first time in my adult life, it's completely unnecessary for me to work.  But as I said earlier, I miss the law. I miss writing and research and thinking like a lawyer.  After some deep inner reflections I came up with the idea to start an environmental law blog. Nothing too fancy, but a good way for me to keep writing and to stay connected to that part of the legal world that I'm most passionate about.  I hope to launch my blog in the next few weeks, so stay tuned...

3.  Learn German.  We have now been in Germany for nearly six months. I WANT TO KNOW MORE GERMAN!   I've purchased the study materials, so I just need to dedicate myself to working on it several hours a week.  When we first moved here and the weather was fantastic and I would take little r and the puppy for a walk through town every day. I would walk by these two houses on our street where other very cool looking and hip German mothers were sitting in their driveways while their children played all around them chatting it up with a glass of wine or tea or whatever was in their mood that day.  I found myself longing to be able to join them, but even if I could channel my inner bravery, I couldn't muster enough German together to even begin a conversation.  One of these mothers has her son in little r's kindergarten.  We ran into each other yesterday and she recognized me and immediately started talking.  This was WAY cool.  I fumbled my way through some pitiful excuse for small talk, and right then and there I decided that I've wasted enough time.  The time is NOW.

4. Daily Yoga Practice.  While I was losing my mind preparing for our move to Germany, I turned to yoga to find some peace.  It really helped, so I've kept it up.  I'd like to promise myself to do a little yoga every day, even if it is only 20 minutes.  I want to become stronger internally, and more flexible.  I actually did a headstand today. A HEADSTAND!!!  A good friend showed me and walked me through it at the gym this morning.  Before I knew it I was in the middle of the gym floor standing on my head.  It was exhilarating!  Never did I think I could get strong enough or brave enough to do one.  And yet, I did it proving to myself that these goals are not impossible.

So, there you have it.  These are my goals.  I'm not sure how quickly they will come together, but I'm happy to know that with little r in Kindergarten, I will have some extra time to conquer these challenges.  I have a few other projects on my plate as well, but I'm keeping those to myself. We'll start with baby steps :) 

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