Monster mom

Monster mom is here full on in our house. Our children can't hide, they are exposed at every second to the wrath of my craziness. Seriously, I do think my inner monster is alive and putting it back is going to take some serious work. I've been caught in that mommy moment lately where your skin tingles because you feel like you are literally on the edge pretty much all the time. I'd say I'm exhausted, but honestly, that's not it at all. I'm just done. D-O-N-E. Love being a mom, love every inch of my children's soft skin, the never-ending kisses, and the unconditional love. That has been answered full on with irrationality this past few weeks. Daddy has been training, and being alone with the boys has not been difficult in the "doing it all by myself" category. Instead, they miss him, and the attention they get when we are both here. That's something I never really saw coming. This isn't the cause of all my monstrous tendencies, though, of course. Life is far too exciting for it to be one simple thing causing the mayhem.

My morning madness has turned into overwhelming insanity these days. Thank you day light savings for throwing my children into a sleepless funk that provides me with an extra hour of screaming laughter. It's fantastic on so many levels. HA! Little r has decided that he wants my undivided attention and baby c is in his way. That translates into pure, unadulterated antagonization. Baby c never gets a break from his brother's torment no matter how often I pull them apart. The poor kid is one crying mess until we get in the car to take little r to school. My general response to is to send him to his room. Little r responds by slamming the door and having a meltdown. Oh, and baby c isn't purely innocent in this whole scheme, that I am fully aware, but good grief! I know there is a solution to this deep in my bag of tricks, but that bag is completely AWAL at the moment.

As a mom, do you ever feel like you have forgotten how to talk without yelling? That the room starts spinning and you can't see straight because the crying is like nails on chalkboard? Yep. That's me. The worst part is, I know this all stems from me. I know that my little men feed off of my emotions. They sense my stress, they know I miss their daddy as much as they do, and they know I have a lot of things on my list to get done. Children know these things. They know them better than we think they do. Little r continues to be an expert at finding my buttons. His brilliance in this department is almost uncanny. Push, push, push. It's like that game we played as a kid where someone sits on top of your chest while you are laying down and slowly taps on your chest bone. It doesn't hurt, no pain at all, but it drives you completely mad anyway.

I love being a mom. I'm just not super crazy about this part. This part right here that wipes the smile off your face at breakfast when the cereal starts hitting the floor to a giggling soundtrack, when you disappear for 5 seconds to feed the cats, get dressed or brush your hair only to turn around and find your 5 year old pulling your toddler around the house by his blanket screaming his ever loving head off. The tantrums that happen because you refuse to let your children eat halloween candy all day long (wow, I NEVER hated candy more than I do this year), and the guilt you feel as a mother when you realize your toddler hasn't had a vegetable in several days. It's kind of all that. I love being a mom, but this is the tough part. I really don't want them to grow up too fast. In so many ways I already miss the sweet little babies they were, but pushing past this one small phase would be fantastic.

We have moments of insanity...

Moments of pure adorable calm...

And moments like these that make it all worth it...

Yep, monster mom is here, and I'm ready to send her packing. In the meantime, if you see her, try not to judge too much if she's wearing the same thing you saw her in yesterday or if she has yogurt in her hair. We are taking things one moment at a time these days, and we will get through this with some part of our sanity intact.

xoxoxoxo

My "mom-of-the-year" moment

It's Monday. I should have known better than to think I'd be able to escape the day without some type of unexpected excitement.

This week and last have been slightly crazy, well, on a 4-year old's scale anyway. Soccer started up last week, and swimming is still wrapping up, add that to horseback riding lessons, and the boy has a very full week. He seemed to be handling it all super well until the soccer game on Saturday where he was running aimlessly on the field. This evolved into a major meltdown by early evening, and bedtime was a colossal disaster. Being that his birthday party comes at the pinnacle of this next week, I really wanted to work hard at keeping things chill. Mostly I just want the boy to enjoy his own birthday party. 

Tonight was swimming. Little r would tell you that swimming is his favorite...oh, and soccer is his favorite, too, oh and horses, he loves riding horses... We are taking a break from swimming during soccer season, so today was his last lesson for awhile. He takes lessons at the "Y", so baby c and I swim while little r is in his class. I always like to get there early so that little r can enjoy swimming for awhile. So I got my dinner prepped, double and triple checked that I had everything we needed in each of the bags (I forgot goggles last week, and that was a HUGE disaster), and loaded baby c up into the car. 

Little r was a complete chatterbox when I picked him up today talking about everything they did in school (did I mention how much this kid loves his school?!), so, we took our time getting to the Y knowing we would still have plenty of time left for some fun swimming before lessons started. We walk into the locker room and I pull everything out of the bag.  Do you ever have those moments when all is good in the world and then the air gets sucked clean out of your body? All of it, all of the air, was completely gone. Little r's swim trunks were not there. In the whole scheme of things, this is not the end of the world, but to a 4 year old on his last day of swim lessons when he LOVES swim lessons more than anything EVER (except soccer and horses, of course), this becomes a mom's worst nightmare. We had 20 minutes until lessons started and we live 20 minutes away from the Y. 

So, what did I do? I contemplated apologizing profusely and driving somewhere to buy little r a huge milkshake to earn his forgiveness, but the mom in me had to figure out a way to make this work. Baby c's trunks were obviously too small, and the weather cooled off a ton this weekend, so we literally argued all morning about how he was NOT going to wear shorts today. Instead, we packed back into the car, there were many "this is so stupid" and "I'm such an idiot" comments flying out of my mouth, while little r was trying to wrap his head around his mother's insanity. At one point he said, "you are so goofy, mom, and you're right, this is stupid." Awesome when kids get it right, isn't it?

We went to Walmart. I hate Walmart. Sorry, I said it, but I just really do. But hey, everyone always tells me they have everything you want, anytime you want it, and it was the closest big box store to the Y. We had the talk about not getting distracted in the store, running as fast as we can, and how I was really sorry but he was going to be a little late for his lesson. He was such a trooper. Traffic literally sucked, and the Walmart was PACKED. 

This store probably has everything you could possibly ever need or want for a super cheap price as long as you are buying it in season. Clearly the end of September is NOT when you buy swim trunks because they had but one pair left on the clearance rack and it was a size 8. Yes, we actually contemplated buying the stupid things until little r looked at me and said, "mommy, they are just way too big." I felt deflated, until the woman standing next to me handed me a pair of gym shorts in little r's size. She said that she didn't need them, if I could use them, so we grabbed the shorts and ran. The check out lines were horrible, but we finally got through. The poor little guy was stripping in the car in the parking lot. I started the car as soon as I heard, "mom, I got it, these are going to work!" HA! Pure comedy, right?

We finally get back to the Y, at this point only 10 minutes late. Little r puts his shoes on and he stands up to get out of the car and the shorts fall down. Yes, you read that right, the shorts fell off of his tiny little butt. Seriously?! We finagled my goggles (which I actually remembered this time) around his waist to hold them up, and he was happy as can be. We ran into the pool, and he dove right in without looking back.

I really wanted to get a picture, but I honestly had no idea where my phone even was at this point. Some how, in some way, it worked. Who forgets her son's swim trunks when the whole reason for going to the gym is for him to swim??!! Yes, mom-of-the-year, RIGHT here.  And you know that as soon as the boys were in bed, my wine was poured and I'm already sipping it. Holy cow, this better not be indicative of the way things are going to go this week... 

All that school hub-bub...

When I became a mom, the thing I was most anxious about wasn't night feedings, dirty diapers, or potty training (although I know now that I was severely misinformed about this last one), it was putting my kids through school.  This seems ridiculous to admit, but it's true.  The school world intimidates me.  I want my children to do well, who doesn't?  And as if we need one more thing as mom's to add to our stress levels, school has gotten complicated these days.  I also knew that we were a military family, and just like my mom, I would be required to stay on top of things with every move and transition to make sure the kids are getting the education they need to succeed.

The things we, as military families, worry about definitely shift and change depending on the age of the children.  At the preschool level, I have military friends that are having to make a transatlantic flight from Europe to Virginia for the sole purpose of exploring preschools and getting enrolled.  It seems many schools won't even put you on a waiting list until they have met you in person and given you a tour of the school.  This might seem reasonable to most, but to a military spouse, this is a huge conundrum.  Another friend has her little girl in an Italian preschool.  The school ends in July and doesn't start up again until the end of September.  They are moving back to the U.S. where school starts in early August, and they are being told she might have to be held back. I mean, the horror, really?!  And finally, I have a good friend that is living in D.C. and making the huge decision to pay a year's worth of salary (only a mild exaggeration) to let their daughter attend a German immersion school because she attended school in Germany through the second grade and they want to give her the opportunity to continue her studies in a foreign language.  The scenarios feel endless, although they always find a way of working out, it's rarely without a little extra added stress and major decision-making (don't even get me started about trying to find housing at the last minute in an area in a good school district).  But we are resilient and grow stronger with every move!

Back to little r and my unreasonable anxiety about having school aged children... It never dawned on me that having little r in September was going to start the never-ending conversation of when he would start kindergarten (American kindergarten, that is).  Apparently this is now a hot topic of discussion among moms and dads alike.  Kindergarten is not what it used to be.  Rumor has it that things are more difficult for the little ones - sight words, computers, math... It's starting to become a trend to hold kids back and have them start kindergarten when they are older with the thought being that the maturity level will be higher and it will help them succeed. Big R comes from a different camp being that he was an October baby and started kindergarten at the ripe 'ol age of 4, meaning he was more often than not, the youngest in his class.  After we received our new assignment, we wasted no time exploring the best neighborhoods and schools for little r.  What we didn't anticipate was that he would be too young to make the crazy cut off date of August 15 for public schools.  After the shock wore off and we accepted that little r wasn't going to start kindergarten this year, we changed our focus to finding an excellent preschool.

The research paid off and all the cards seemed to fall right into place for us with this move.  We secured a house in a great neighborhood in one of the best school districts in Tennessee.  The preschool we found for little r is, like most of them, a daycare, but it's also a learning center.  After spending a couple years in the German kindergarten system, we knew little r needed a preschool that would provide the structure and academic challenge to ward off boredom.  Our child is a spirited little guy, and boredom would be a way to set him up for failure.  The school is incredible and seconds as a private school for K-2.  We really liked what we saw the day we took the tour, so we didn't waste any time getting him enrolled.

He spent a couple of weeks in the summer program before we were approached to ask if we'd be interested in advancing him to the kindergarten.  They felt he was ready academically.  Turns out they were right, and he scored pretty high on his tests. The big kicker of the whole thing is that it's only offered on a trial basis, so he has to show he can behave (yikes!), and also because he doesn't make the age cutoff for the public school system, there would be no guarantee that he would be able to move into the first grade next year.

We struggled with this decision at first.  Would it be better to move him forward now and potentially repeat kindergarten? Or would it be best to keep him with the preschool and stick with our original plan?  In my head I'm hearing all my friends supporting him moving forward, meanwhile also hearing other friends argue that he's just too young.  So, I asked his teacher what she would do, as a mom, and having taught little r.  Her response made all the sense in the world.  I knew the answer, but I suppose hearing it is always helpful.  She told me that academically he is demonstrating he is ready and should do well.  Being that he's younger, she said it's always tough to know how well he will adjust to a more academic setting.  We have the benefit of not being in the public school system because they can use the trial period to make sure he will succeed and that those that stay in the class are not disrupted by those kids that really aren't mature enough or ready.  We can also decide to keep him in the same school next year and not fight with the school system over his age, which is an added bonus.

I suppose it's obvious now what we decided to do.  I was a nervous wreck about his first day and this two week trial period.  Little r was crazy excited about going to "the big school."  I was excited for him, but also concerned how he would react if they decided he wasn't ready.  Guess these are just the things we have to prepare ourselves for.  Little r was amazing on his first day of school.  He even let me pick out something nice for him to wear, which was nothing shy of a miracle.  We met his teacher and the other students in his class.  I can see now the huge benefits of putting your child into a private school, if for nothing else, the student/child ratio is impressive.  He is one of 11 students in the K-1 class, and half of those students are first graders.  Is that great, or what?  I think later having him in the public school will be a great experience for him, but for this stage, I think we will definitely get our money's worth.

First day of Kindergarten - a picture is worth a thousand words, this is one very happy boy!!!

I'll keep you posted on how the little man is doing in his class.  With all the variables we often have to deal with in the military, it is crazy awesome when things fall into place.  I have high hopes and I love that we found this school for him.

  

baby c in the krippe

There are so many different ways to raise your kids, and if you talk to ten mom's, you'd probably get ten different responses to what they think is best for raising children, especially babies.  With little r, I went back to work full time when he was only three months old.  This is pretty common.  I remember being torn about what to do -- nanny, babysitter, daycare -- and eventually we lucked out and found a daycare facility within five minutes of our office on post that was wonderful.  I wasn't too nervous about putting little r in daycare because even at that young age, he was incredibly independent.  Seeing how different he and baby c are, I now realize how truly independent little r was and still is.  For little r, daycare was a great opportunity for him.  He thrived there, and it gave me the peace of mind I needed to stay focused throughout my day.

Life couldn't be anymore different for me now with baby c.  I'm home all day, and we have a relatively consistent routine that keeps all of our sanities in check.  But with school and baby c getting more and more mobile and active, the stress levels have definitely been rising.  My friends here in town that have younger kids talked to me about putting baby c in the town's kinderkrippe.  Kinderkrippe is, for all intent's and purposes, a daycare but it's setup the only way German's know how - beautifully.  The women that work there are all incredible, caring, and very well-trained.  My friend's kids loved it there.  One other attractive selling point is the price.  The cost for the krippe is less for an entire month that I was paying for little r to be in daycare for only a week. 

The decision wasn't as easy as I expected.  Baby c and I had grown incredibly attached to each other.  In my mind that seemed like another great reason to give the krippe a try.  The baby, that at four months could easily be handed over to someone for several hours and be completely content, will hardly go to even Big R when I am in the same room. Not that I don't feel the love, but that can't be healthy for either of us.  I honestly also really liked the idea that both he and I would be exposed to another authentic German experience.  The women at the krippe speak very little English, so it puts me in a situation to have to practice my German.  Not that baby c will remember any of this experience, but I still like the idea that he will be exposed to another culture if only for a short period of time.

So, I went for it and enrolled the little guy in the German kinderkrippe.  We pay for him to be there in the mornings with the idea that I can have a good 3-4 hours to get work done or take care of things that are more difficult with a baby in tow (and maybe actually attend a real yoga class once a week!).  He had his first day last week. The process is very gradual -- almost too gradual for us American minded folks accustomed to dropping our kids off and walking out the door only to return hours or even an entire work day later -- with the idea being that they want the kids to build a relationship with their nannies at the krippe while mom is still there, and then to also understand that when mom leaves, she will be coming back.  This process seemed arduous at first.  I was truly a skeptic especially for a baby.  How could a baby understand the concept of time?  And at the rate we were going, getting baby c to the point where I could leave him behind from 8am to noon seemed impossibly far off.

One of these days, I'll learn to trust well-established processes.  As you would expect, things are going super well.  Today, baby c actually reached for his nanny when we got to the krippe and didn't even cry when I left. I, of course, was practically in tears my entire walk home, but it was a good thing.  I was so happy that he was doing well.  My sweet little man took a nap there today, and when I picked him up, he was having so much fun and in the best spirits.

I love living abroad with our kids.  It is so special to be able to expose the family to these foreign experiences.  Little r has loved both of his kindergartens here, and he has learned how to speak German fluently. We are in for a culture shock for sure when we head back to the states this summer.  I suppose we will just take advantage of it while we can and be appreciative that we were able to have these opportunities.

My 4 year old has a girlfriend

It's true. I'm hardly kidding.  You know, I really thought I'd have a little more time for this - like maybe a good 12-14 years!  But no, my little man has a girlfriend, and I have to admit, it's pretty darn cute.

As early as his first week at school here in Erbendorf, he told me that Audrey was his best friend.  He said they ate lunch together and held hands on the playground.  Haha, seriously?!  He told me that she can't really say his name right even though he tries to help her all the time.  But he said, "it's ok that she doesn't know my name, mommy, because she is beautiful."  Oh my land.

Now every day is colored by Audrey (he calls her au-der-y).  He'll describe every detail of the games that they play together on our walk home from school.  Sometimes he'll look at me and say, "Audrey was cranky today, mommy," and I smile as I try not to laugh.  It is, of course, a  super sad day when Audrey isn't at school, but "maybe she'll be here tomorrow, mommy!"  And yesterday was the best when he told me, "Audrey just keeps following me around EVERYWHERE. She goes here and there and all over behind me," and then a big *sigh*  He informed me today that she's not four like he is, that she is younger than him.  Apparently it is important for him to tell me he is dating a younger woman.

I have to admit, Audrey is a cutie pie.  The kid is four though, did I mention that?  I am in so much trouble...

Big Bro, little bro

I should be doing homework, or the other million things I need to do today, and NOT blogging, but I am majorly distracted by the cuteness exploding in my house right now.  Just had to share.  I just love them both to pieces...

^^^Big Bro, Lil' Bro - just love these shirts :) ^^^

^^^So fun! Look at the baby in the mirror!^^^

^^^Is he the cutest or what?!  Yes, I'm bias, but that smile makes me melt :) ^^^

^^^And those baby blues... swoon. I mean, seriously?!^^^

Ok, back to work.  Hope you enjoy the cuteness as much as I have been all morning :) 

xoxoxoxo

Oh my land, the boy turns 4!

I'm not really sure how to feel about this - my baby boy turning 4 years old.  It's likely I'll be saying the same thing every year from now until college, but it really is amazing that 4 years have gone by already.  Let me also just say that 4 is like the terrible two's on steroids.  Oh holy heck has my son lost his marbles.  I am going to need some serious strength to get through this next year if this is what 4 is all about.  Why didn't anyone warn me?!  Probably because no one has my spirited little monster.  Little r is testing patience on a grand scale from morning until night - never a dull moment with this child.

To celebrate his Big 4, we had a big party for him at our house.  It was one of those rare years where his birthday landed on a Saturday, so we actually got to have his party on his birthday. Pretty cool.  I decided I wanted to get all Betty Crocker and try to make a cake worth remembering this time, especially since we didn't have a big party for him ourselves the past two years.  I had plans of grandeur. Everything from bulldozers to Thomas the Train Engine were thoughts in my mind.  At the tenth hour, I ended up going with just a train based on things I could find at the store to create my mini-masterpiece. HA!  The best part about making his cake was that he actually helped me make it.  That was fun, mostly, but he really thought it was cool to help make his choo-choo train cake.

Peep Peep - pretend this is Thomas

Such a proud birthday boy wearing his new Jeff Gordon shirt :) 

He could barely wait through lunch to get to the cake part!

but the presents were actually number 1 on his mind

Little r ripped through his presents like nobody's business. It was hilarious to watch.  We went to a 2-year-old's birthday party the weekend before, and she carefully opened each present.  My crazy man tore through one gift then handed it off to me to grab the next like it was a race (everything in this boy's life is a competition to see who can "win").

After gift time, I setup my one and only birthday activity.  Paint on canvas.  Everyone told me I was absolutely out of my mind and a brave soul, but it really worked out great.  I love nothing more than to bring art and music out of kids.  They both love it and they need it.  My German friend, Nina, picked up the small canvases at a local store near her house, and I found some kids' paint and Toys R Us, of all places.  We used tall kitchen bags as smocks and to cover the floor, and small silo cups to separate all of the paint.  The kids had a ball, and they each got to bring home a piece of artwork to hang on the wall.  That is my favorite kind of party favor :)

Such a goofball!

My little Van Gogh - Aunt Jessie would be proud

It's a painting party!  All my young artists hard at work!

I think the party was a success.  At least I can say that the kids all seemed to have a great time.  My stress levels were incredibly low considering I had over a dozen small children scattered throughout the house. Honestly, I absolutely loved it because little r was having so much fun. The best part was that our German friends were able to stay for awhile afterwards, so we got a bonus visit in from friends we used to talk to every day and now rarely ever get to see.  Such a great treat.

little r's room after the party ended - it took an hour to put the legos back together - lol

Baby C adored all of the attention!

So, now we enter a new year and a seemingly huge adventure with little r.  If anyone has any tips on how to survive age 4 with a spirited little boy, I'm all ears!

xoxoxo

Namaste

When life gets busy, I strive to hold onto something that attempts to keep me grounded.  Try being the operative word here.  Constantly working to obtain that "om" in my day by doing yoga when and wherever I can fit it in.  I read a blog the other day about a novelist that is also a yogi.  He was commenting on how "hardcore" meant you were practicing something ridiculous like three hours a day.  I'm not sure that at any point I'd ever achieve that level of yoga practice. In fact, I'm not sure I'm interested in becoming hardcore if that's what it means. This author commented on how life keeps him busy and he fits yoga in as he can for 20 minutes here, 10 minutes there, or a lucky 55 minutes when the family runs off to run errands and he gets a rare hour at home alone.

I can absolutely relate to this idea because that is how my yoga practice goes these days, and I'm not complaining, not even remotely.  Mostly I'm just incredibly thankful for technology and websites like My Yoga Online that allow me to even have a practice that extends beyond doing the same DVD over and over again.  It really is difficult to challenge or improve your yoga practice when you have zero variability.  I rarely get to attend a yoga class these days, and for various reasons, it will probably remain pretty difficult for me to for awhile.  But that's ok.  There's something empowering about knowing I can find a smidgen of peace when I grab 10 minutes here or somehow find 45 glorious minutes to "find my center."

This week has been one of those weeks where finding the time has been rough.  School, teething babies, soccer practice, sick pets, and normal every day life... I decided to do a yoga challenge with MYO, the focus being on changing the routine of your morning to rise early and get in a yoga session before starting your day.  This seems to be the only time of the day that I can control.  HA, at least that's what I let myself think.  Let's just say that my valiant efforts to rise at 5:30 every morning have been thwarted by one means or another, so although I am getting the daily sessions in, they are not necessarily happening in the morning as intended.

Rising early to practice yoga this morning didn't happen.  I was up early, but yoga was not the reason. *sigh* This evening after getting little r his dinner, I thought I'd try to get my session in.  It was only a quick 15 minute practice, so that should have been super easy.  I asked little r if he wanted to do yoga with me.  He tries to join in once in awhile, and Lord knows, the kid has seen me do yoga a million times.  He sat down next to me in a "comfortable seated position" with his legs crossed and his hands resting on his knees.  He closed his eyes and started taking deep breaths.  Even the little ones need to find their inner peace sometimes.

forward lunge stretch

Tree pose - he's almost got it

I didn't get to finish the practice today.  Baby C wanted to have nothing to do with yoga, but little r kept on and actually finished the practice all by himself.  He was super proud.  Maybe I have a future yogini on my hands.  How do you like them apples?

Namaste

xoxoxoxo

Love those baby blues

I am so in love with those baby blue eyes.  Aren't they incredible?  I stare into them all day, and they make my heart flutter.  I know that a baby's eyes can often change color after the first year, but I really hope Baby C keeps these baby blues.

We are finally feeling at home and settled into our new house.  Life is seeming a tad more normal and much less hectic.  My boys are constantly keeping me on my toes, especially little r.  Baby C is three months old already. I am in shock at how quickly time is passing.  I just want to savor every moment I have with him.

I got my "camera" out today and attempted to take pictures of the boys together and the whole things was hilarious.  These two truly crack me up. I mean, look at these goofs!

Partners in crime ALREADY! I am seriously in so much trouble. Try as I might I couldn't capture one of Baby C's million smiles.  The camera was far too interesting and very distracting.  But little r is a pro at creating a huge smile on his brother's face.  I feel like this series of photos perfectly encapsulates their relationship.

I just love my boys.  They keep my life full of laughter and love.  How can you argue with that?

xoxoxo

hope you are all enjoying the end of summer!  

Potty train fail...

I have a confession to make. My child is not yet potty trained. It's probably not something I should write about on my blog, but quite frankly, it has mandated a huge chunk of my life these days, so it seems only appropriate to give it at least one entry in this adventure I call my existence.

It's true, I wrote a blog post back in February exalted in praise that my stubborn little man was finally out of diapers. It was the honest-to-God truth that he was fully trained. He hadn't had an accident in over a month and it was nearly effortless. Then life happens, and there isn't much we can do about it. My dad passed away and we flew back for his funeral. The whole ordeal set little r off course, and we haven't been able to get back on since.

The whole potty training thing is easily the most stressful parenting responsibility I've had yet. No one prepares you for this. A good friend of mine said that she used to lock herself up in the closet and eat dark chocolate to deal with the stress. I have been there. Lots of tears, frustration, need I say anger? I'd like to think it's because my child is brilliant. He's too smart for his own good, so it's a game for him. It's a miserable game though. I often think this potty training bit is going to be the end of me. Did I already say they don't prepare us for this? They really don't...

We have good days and bad days, and awesome weeks and horrible weeks... Losing Papa was really hard on him, and it really set the timing off. One of the biggest pieces of advice is never to potty train your child during a life changing event. Well, at this point, I was massively pregnant, which meant little r's entire world was about to change pretty drastically. And then we had the big move this summer including a transition to a new school that is mostly likely going to require that he be completely out of diapers.

We can do this... That's my mantra. And we have tried everything - literally everything. I could create dozens of blog posts telling fantastic stories about where and when my little man has decided to have an accident. Ikea, Ramstein Airport, local biergartens, just to name a few. All experiences were classic and humbling. I'm certain there is no other experience that reminds you that you are human than dealing with the dreaded accident. Moms really do earn their badges when it comes to cleaning up poop. Man, do we ever...

Today we had an epic potty training fail. It was seriously collasal in every way. Little r's kindergarten had prearranged an afternoon picnic where all of the parents could come enjoy an afternoon with the kids all together. We ended up at a park in our little town because the sun was far too hot for the kids to take the long hike to the original location. So, little r played his heart out in the park. He was a classic boy getting into mischief by exploring trails behind bushes and hanging out with the older kids (I am in so much trouble when he gets older). He was also spending a lot of time rolling, sliding, and throwing dirt. Finally, after a couple hours of constantly searching for him, he came to me whining about his back end being all wet. There is no water in this park, so what the heck?!

He looked like something the cat dragged in. Covered from head to toe in dirt and sand. He even had sand in his eyelashes and buried deep into his hair. It was kind of awesome, I'm not going to lie. I went to reach for my camera, and then I smelled it and my whole mood shifted. I haven't a clue how long the poor dude let himself run around with a mess in his pants. It was long enough to make a ginormous disaster of a mess and give him a horrible rash. Putting him in the stroller in this condition was not happening and it was far too hot to make him walk, so I had to change him in front of all of his friends and their parents. He screamed bloody murder and you really would have thought the kid was dying because his little behind stung so bad. Baby C decided the world had to be ending, so it was time to scream, too. All my mom friends can vouch for me on this, when the baby and the boy are both screaming, your nerves stand on end and your heart strings are pulled.

After I got things all cleaned up, I plopped him into the stroller wearing nothing but a diaper and hid my face as I scooted out of the park and headed home. A necessary shower later, and little r was begging to go to bed. Poor kid was completely worn out. I have to give it to him, this has been a stressful couple of weeks with the move and all the pending life changes. He also played super hard with his friends all day in the heat. That was not exactly a restful way to end his afternoon or mine.

I'm staring at a bottle of wine wondering whether I should relax on the porch and enjoy the sunshine or make myself do a session of yoga. Both sound fantastic, so maybe I'll squeeze it all in.

We are going to survive this somehow. Big R and I might not have any hair left or we may have turned a little batty, and that dark and lonely closet cetainly looks tempting from time to time... But I know we'll get there. My hat goes off to all my friends that had a wonderfully successful go at the potty training ordeal. I wish this on no one.

So, that's my confession. I have no reason to believe this story will not end successfully. It'll happen when he's ready I suppose. Until then, cheers, I'm having another glass of wine.

 

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Life with two

This picture makes my life look like pure chaos. I just love it. That was an especially trying day, but when it happened and little r was in hysterics because everything crashed down on top of him, I found that I couldn't stop laughing. The whole scene was absolutely hilarious. I mean, isn't it? This is what happens when you have a newborn in the house and try as you might you just can't watch your three year old every single solitary second. Funny, but little r calmed down quite a bit after that incident. Maybe he realized that being a crazy man only led to trouble and it was "scary" trouble.

Since I can remember, I always wanted two. Probably because I grew up with my sister and it was always just the two of us and it felt so perfect in many ways. Honestly though, there were times when we'd go through a particularly rough phase with little r that we would find ourselves questioning whether we could even HANDLE two. But the more time I spent watching little r, the more I knew he'd truly love having a brother or sister to grow up with. Maybe I just wanted to give him the opportunity to have someone special in his life like I do with my sister.

Fortunately for us, life decided it was a good idea to bring another little one into the world as well. I had so many friends seriously freaking me out with how much work having another child would make for us and for me especially. And it's true, it is a lot of work, but it's not without its rewards. I feel pretty lucky. As spirited as little r might be, he is a fantastic big brother. The first couple of weeks were a little rough as we were feeling out boundaries and settling into a new routine. We are finally starting to getting into a small groove, at least for the time being. I have no doubt that this will change on a near weekly basis as Baby C's demands grow. For now though, life is looking a little more like this...

and this...

and this...

and this...

Little r is a child that truly needs his routine. This can be a huge challenge when you bring a new baby into the mix with his own needs. I thought it was going to be impossible to get them onto a routine of any sort. The sleep thing is still a work in progress, but I'm doing what I can to bring as many of little r's routines into Baby C's world. My favorite part of this has been the nighttime routine. I got brave awhile back and decided to give them a bath together. My mother-in-law bought me this great bath pillow that cradles the baby while he is in the bathtub. It makes a perfect prop for helping me bath the boys together. Baby C is also a doll and loves the bath, which makes this process infinitely easier. We get cleaned up, little r races to try to "beat" Baby C into his pj's (something I find super cute and hilarious), and then we settle in together to read a book. More often than not, little r will read a book to all of us. Baby C just watches his brother in awe. He must truly think little r is the most fascinating creature.

So, this is now a common scene in our house around 7 p.m. and I just love every minute of it...

One of our more fun challenges has been learning how to travel as a family of four. So far Baby C has made this relatively effortless, and our hope is if we keep on traveling like we do that we'll adjust and adapt as we the kids get older and Baby C becomes more demanding with his needs. On our last two trips, we've had some extra help from our parents. This weekend we embark on a trip all on our lonesome with the kiddos. All bets are off, and the moment of truth lies ahead. Let's just see how we roll!

We have a year full of adventures planned, and we know having two in tow will might make this a bit tricky. But we are too determined to take advantage of the incredible opportunities we have for travel while living here that we refuse to let anything hold us back. It'll be fun to share photos, memories, and my blog posts with little r and Baby C when they are older. If nothing else, we are hoping it'll provide fodder for some awesome blog posts! hahahahaha. I have no doubt our adventure this weekend will not disappoint.

Have a great Fourth of July everyone! I'll be in touch when we get back and tell you all about the shenanigans we got ourselves into.

xoxoxo

 

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Too many rules...

As a new mom, life can feel downright overwhelming. I remember reading everything in sight trying to absorb all the information so I could be sure not to do anything wrong. Then the information started to conflict. I mean, seriously conflict, and it was pure madness trying to figure out what to do right. How many rules do we need? Science is telling us one thing, judgment is telling us another... Our mothers put us to sleep on our stomachs, now we have to put them to sleep on their backs. Pacifiers are good, pacifiers are bad. Don't let your child suck their thumb, thumb-sucking is a natural thing they develop to comfort themselves. Breast feed, bottle feed. Never wake a sleeping baby, never let a baby sleep more than a feed cycle during the day. I feel like I could go on and on and on... Yeesh, this is exhausting!

My mom thought this whole deal was insane. I remember her telling me to just listen to my instincts. We know what to do, right? I found one book that I truly liked because her approach to taking care of a baby made sense to me. The Baby Whisperer. The title itself was more comforting than "Baby Wise," although I wouldn't be surprised if they taught very similar principles. I just couldn't handle taking severe approaches to bringing up my baby. I certainly wasn't going to sleep with him, and the whole Ferber method is just plain cruel. Hey, to each his own, but these approaches are not for me.

I remember following rules to the letter regardless of how contrary they might have seemed. Little r had such a sensitive tummy and horrible acid reflux. We would put him to sleep on his back and he would scream and scream and scream. We had his bed elevated on one side to help, and would often put him to sleep on his side, but never EVER on his tummy. And I was adamant about making sure he slept in his bed instead of on my chest, and that he never nursed too close together. Just thinking about all this is wearing me out. Being a mom is hard enough without all these insane rules. And all the advice! Holy bananas, do we really need all this advice from everyone?

I'm guilty of offering it far more than I should have. How I ever felt I was anywhere near qualified to offer advice to someone about raising a baby the "right" way is beyond me. Every baby is so painfully different that we can't possibly think we have the answers for every baby issue presented to us. One of my friends posted an article on Facebook the other day from one of my favorite bloggers about how the best advice to give a mother is not to give any advice at all. Most mothers just need to talk it out to prove to themselves that they have the answers after all. Or for me, I think I often just need to hear other mothers tell me that they experienced something similar so I don't feel so alone in my struggles. We've all been there, and company is comforting...

So, with a new baby coming into our lives, I decided I was going to follow my instincts and use rules as guidelines instead of making myself crazy trying to follow them to the letter. I might end up regretting some of it, I have no doubt, but I feel like I was so focused on trying to do things the "right" way that I completely missed all the other amazing things about having an infant. All those little things that you'll never have again. Like having a baby fall asleep on your chest.

Baby C has some tummy issues, too. No where near as horrible as poor little r did, but enough that I have to be careful what I eat and his poor tummy can be so uncomfortable sometimes that he has trouble sleeping. Sometimes I've noticed that he'll fall asleep better on his tummy, so I'll put him there first until he falls asleep and then roll him over. And the whole, "never poke a sleeping bear" theory has kept me from waking him up when he has good naps during the day (even though I am rarely joining him). I also let him sleep on my chest as often as I can because they grow up too fast, darnit!!!

But I have to confess that the books can be useful. I'm running on an empty fuse right now because Baby C is eating every couple of hours at night, and little r is an early riser. That's a tough combination and the lack of sleep eventually catches up with you. So, I found myself turning back to that trusty book to see what the Baby Whisperer might suggest I do to help. She has some great advice, and it turns out that many of the approaches she suggests are coming naturally to me by following my instincts and listening to what Baby C needs. I still need help though. A lot of help. Natural or not, there has to be an approach to guide me to train my baby how to sleep longer periods through the night so we both get more sleep.

I'm going to give the Baby Whisperer's suggestions a try and see if it gives me a break to help turn Baby C's sleep schedule around. I'm sure I'll vent my cunundrum to as many friends as possible first and read far too many blog posts about the issue as well, just to make myself feel like I'm in common company. I'll also go on and on about it to my mom because, bless her heart, she'll listen to it all and then tell me that she doesn't know what I can do (when all along she knows my instincts are going to give me the right answers).

I'm going to end with a quote from Mommastery on her blog about advice that I mentioned above. My friend shared this quote the other day as well. I think we are both saying the mantras in our heads as we work through our current baby struggles and trying to find our sanity.

"I just want us to remember that when we became mamas we didn't change species. We're still humans. I mean, we're badass humans, for sure, but humans nonetheless. We make mistakes, all day, and that's good. We want our children to see that. We want them to learn how to handle mistakes, because that's really the only important thing to learn: We expect to make mistakes, we say we're sorry, we forgive ourselves, we shrug and smile, and we try again.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

It's a good system. It creates graceful, interesting, peaceful, forgiving, jacked-up humans.

And don't forget ... in this forgiveness system, we get forever tries. We never run out of tries.

Parenthood is Forever Tries."

From "A Little Advice" by Glennon Melton.

 

 

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They are growing up too fast

Holy heck, my boys are growing up too fast. It truly is unbelievable how that happens. Baby C is already five weeks old (where in the world did the last month go?!), and I had to put away all his newborn clothes yesterday. It appears someone finally inherited the tall genes in our families. About time, right?

Little r was much more gentle to me with his growing. If the clothes said "9 months", that's exactly where he was in his size. Where he might have lacked in size, he far made up for in his physical strengths. The kid, quite literally, never stopped moving - he still doesn't! So, I'm really not ready for it this time around...to watch my baby grow incredibly fast. I put those newborn clothes away and felt my heart flutter. How did he get so big?!

And little r, too. I looked at him the other day and thought to myself that he's a little person now. My baby is now a little boy. It didn't happen overnight, obviously, but sometimes it feels that way. His imagination is incredible and he creates little r-isms every day. He also seems to have inherited his dad's memory, which is great for him, but maybe not so great for me, hahaha...

Here are some moments captured on my iPhone over the past few weeks...

brotherly love :)

me and my boys

so in love...

sandboxes are little r's favorite

i heart giraffes

cool kid

he's getting so big already

proud big brother

be still my heart

It's true that there are times we want our kids to hurry and grow up. That it's painful to deal with temper tantrums day in and day out and potty training can be your biggest nightmare (oh my land, it is definitely one of mine!). That you have far too many sleepless nights for feedings, illnesses, or nightmares. I mean, let's be honest, our lives are never the same after bringing little ones into the world. But if you can manage to wipe that tired fog off of your eyes and clear your mind for even a second, you are lucky enough to see this little person develop right before you. And wow, what a cool thing. For every frustrated sigh or time I have to count to ten in my mind, I have at least one smile, one laugh, or one tear for all of the amazing things little r says or does.

And Baby C? This sweetheart has reminded me how special it feels to hold a new life in your arms. To observe him taking in the world a little bit at a time and to remember that life can encompass such simplicity at that age. Without the fear of unknowing that comes with your first born child, I have been able to truly enjoy these moments a little more.

One of my Facebook friends posted on her status today that it is "World Sauntering Day." The purpose of such a day is to remind us to take it easy, smell the roses, to slow down and enjoy life as opposed to rushing through it. I think I need to make this an every day purpose. I'm afraid if I don't remind myself of this on a regular basis, my life might just flash before my eyes.

 

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My sweet boy

dear little r,

you have grown so much since I last wrote to you. it's amazing to watch you mature and become this sweet little boy. the last few months have been difficult, and i'm so proud of you for how well you are managing through it all. losing your papa was so hard for you, and for your mommy, and the emotional stress and all the unanticipated travel was a lot for us all. you often tell me that papa is in your heart and that he is playing there with rani and having fun. but you really miss him. it took a little while for you to find yourself again after papa died, but i'm happy to say you are on your way back and cute as ever. your finally sleeping better and laughing all the time. you are still three though, so you are incredibly good at keeping my life interesting :)

here are a few things you are up to lately. you love to talk. oh my goodness, do you love to talk. the good news is you are much easier to understand these days, well, mostly... and you are using your german so much more, which has been really fun. you have discovered the joys of role play, and i swear you can play in your room with your toys for hours and have a ball. the talking never stops, and daddy and i have a great time listening in on all the stories you are creating with your trains, cars, and legos. you also sing all the time. some songs we recognize, some are in german, and others we think you just make up.

you are mesmerized by so many tv shows, especially the ones where you can sing along or dance. i think your favorite though is watching daddy's car show with him (top gear), and of course, there is always nascar! you seem to finally be over the itch of watching the same show day after day though, and like mixing it up with something different during tv time in the afternoon.

lately your daddy has been sending mommy away for little breaks with her friends, so that he can have fun and play with you. you love this bonding time especially when daddy helps you build things out of your legos or draw big airplanes. in fact, daddy let mommy go away for a whole weekend with her girlfriends while you and daddy took care of things around the house. he even gave you a haircut, which apparently took thirty minutes and happened in three different rooms. you came out looking handsome as ever (and mommy promptly made sure to get you a professional haircut as soon as we had a chance - haha).

snuggle time with daddy!

don't you look handsome after your haircut?

your love of furry creatures only gets stronger by the day. you and lucy are now the best of friends. most of the day is spent watching you chase her around the house or carry her from room to room. you hold her tight and say, "i love lucy, mommy, she's so soft and cuddly." apparently she is mommy and little r's kitty - haha.

you love that lucy will now sit on your lap, too!

lucy is so soft and cuddly, mommy!

you also absolutely adore lando. he went from being a military working dog to quickly assuming his position as the protector of our family. he proudly walks you to and from school every day. he's not terribly sure he's supposed to listen to you yet though, but you never give up trying with the commands.

lando quickly gave up on this game, but you were all smiles anyways

walking lando has become one of your favorite things to do

you always say the cutest things... some of my favorites are when you say, "that's disgusting," or "stop it, mommy, you're driving me crazy," or how you answer when I ask you if you are ok with a very proper, "yes, i am!" i often tell you that i love you all the way to the moon, and last night you told me that you "love me all the way to the airport." i thought that was the cutest thing ever! if you fall or run into something you very quickly respond with, "i ok, mommy, no worry, i ok," and if you do something accidentally that you know was a bad thing you start pleading with apologies, "sorry, mommy! so sorry, i not do it again, mommy, i promise." And probably your favorite thing to say is, "after later," in response to just about anything i ask you to do. we're still learning about the concept of time, so everything occurred, "last night" or will happen tomorrow. mostly you are just a bundle of cuteness and i can't stop smiling at you all day long.

you've learned how to wash your own hair, and you pretty much get yourself dressed...well, most of the time. and you are the biggest helper. you help me make your snacks for school, we cook dinner together nearly every day, and you know how to operate most of the electronic equipment in the house (probably better than i do!). you ride your bike like a pro and you have physical strength that even amazes your gymnastics teacher. and you are now swimming like a fish! it's pretty incredible to watch how fearless you are in the water. the germans look at me like i'm letting you drown, and when they realize you are swimming all on your own, they applaud you. it is fun to see a little peanut swim so well. lately your favorite things to eat are fruit loops for breakfast, peanut butter and honey sandwiches, apple sauce, fish sticks, apples, bananas, and strawberries, and, of course, cheese. you are also pretty fond of schnitzel, and you absolutely love german pretzels.

i'm happy to report that you are finally out of diapers...well, you were... it's been a rough month, so we regressed a tiny bit, but i have faith that you will be back on track soon. i have to be honest with you, buddy, i think this whole potty training ordeal has probably been some of the most stressful parenting yet. we'll get through it though, i just know we will. daddy has promised you some awesome and fun things as incentives, so hopefully we'll make it.

daddy has promised you a model boat if you get rid of those diapers!

at this point you have completely given up on taking a nap and have for quite awhile now. although you fade quickly in the afternoon and can sometimes get a little cranky, you are so good about bedtime. you enjoy your bedtime routine including wearing mommy's robe and reading whatever happens to be your favorite book that day. you've memorized many of them, so i often have you read them to me, and that is so much fun. and then in the morning you like to come cuddle with mommy and daddy for a little bit before waking up for the day.

and finally, i think you are really getting excited for your baby brother to get here. you always tell me he is going to pop out of my belly button, and that he'll be really small but he'll get bigger, so not to worry. you are so understanding about how mommy isn't able to do as many things, especially carry you like i want to. but daddy really loves that he gets to carry and cuddle more with you now. but mostly you are just wondering when he will finally get here, and your eyes get so wide when i tell you that mommy's tummy is going to get bigger still.

dr. r is listening to the baby sleeping

i hope the new addition to our family is fun for you and doesn't confuse you or make you too jealous. you will always be my sweet little r and i will do everything i can to make sure you know that i love you more each and every day, even when your brother is finally here. your daddy and i are having such a wonderful time watching you become this amazing little and sweet little boy that has a huge heart.

we love you

xoxoxoxoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

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