I have a love-hate relationship with mornings. Getting up is not my thing, but I have only met a few people in my lifetime that actually enjoy rising early and have no trouble climbing out of bed. That's not me - never has been, and probably never will be. But I generally like mornings. If I can actually get myself up, I tend to enjoy the quiet, and it's usually my favorite time of the day to go for a run or to walk the dog.
Enter my two children... These boys are testing every part of my being. How is it that children do not have a "quiet" button? I mean, seriously, mornings tend to be the "scream as loud as possible" time of the day, and I will never understand it. Little r has always been an early riser. Not sure how many of your remember when he was waking regularly around 500 a.m. The kid has the complete inability to sleep in, and yet, he doesn't really like mornings very much. It's a terrible combination. Now we have two, and once these children are awake, it's like a tornado is hitting the house. I got lots of warning that siblings will fight. I had no idea that the fighting would start already. Did I mention that baby c is barely a year old? Yes, they fight and it's constant and insanely frustrating. Any semblance of calm or rest I might have given myself through the night obliterates the minute the house wakes up. My head can't get around the madness of my mornings. My children are my life. I love them with every cell in my body, and I hate that I start my day frustrated and internally combusting to avoid screaming at the top of my lungs.
I have one week left before I start school back up again, and I have to retake my mornings. I can think optimistically that this is just a phase, but I'm not that naive. I know that I'm peering into a window of my future and I probably have years of this ahead. I'm going to start waking up early again. Ugh, the thought is painful, but it's oh so necessary for me to regain my sanity. Something happens when you are allowed to wake up on your own terms, before the rest of the house starts to stir, and sip a cup of coffee, take in a deep breath, maybe even do yoga. Even ten minutes can be enough to get my butt underneath me before the kids start their hooting.
I started this last week, and I decided that I would take weekends off. They are weekends afterall, so it made sense. NOT doing that again. I think I'm just going to set my internal clock to begin the day before 6 a.m. and try to learn to like it. We are animals, we can be trained, right? I'm over the ambitious goals of trying to complete a yoga practice or do homework or write a blog at that ungodly hour. Instead, I am realizing that having a few moments to myself for nothing but peace can mean everything to a gentle start to my day. Even if it's just ten minutes to sit on the porch and take a deep breath, it can provide an essential grounding to start my day. Or at least that's what I'd like to hope, and I am certainly willing to give it a try. If my eyes are in focus, my breathing has started, and my legs are no longer numb from sleeping on my side, then possibly that incessant screaming that starts my day, every day, won't seem quite as maddening.
Eh, we'll see if it works, and if it doesn't, you can probably start reading blogs I write from inside an insane asylum because I just know that's right where I'm headed.
I know I'm not alone in this, and I certainly have it much easier than others, so if you have any fun stories to share, have at it. I would love to hear them :)
Happy Monday, you guys.