Wednesday, August 17, 2011

What to do when you lose your housecat in Germany

1. Cry uncontrollably for at least an hour. When your cat is trying to find the courage to come home, it will promptly remember the guilt of listening to you sob. Besides, it just makes you feel better.
2. Fumble through broken German as you attempt to tell your neighbors why you look like a mad woman crawling around looking through bushes and around other people's homes. When they tell you that cats disappear all the time in your neighborhood, try not to panic or show any alarm.
3. Search enough times a day to convince your landlord that you really don't believe her that the cat will come home. You might be lucky enough to have a landlord like mine who is the nicest person on the planet.
4. Post something on Facebook or other social media about losing your cat. Not always the greatest idea to air laundry to the public, but in this case it's necessary. All your amazing family and friends will tell you words of encouragement and advice so you don't lose hope that the kitty will come back.
5. Make the hubby dress up in his army uniform and crawl on hands and knees through the brush calling for your cat. Might do nothing less than provide amusement, but laughter is essential at times like these.
6. In reference to #5, make some sort of normal gestures and be sure to waive nicely to the neighbors so they don't think your hubby is about to declare war or is a not-so-secret spy.
7. Be sure that you are barely out of the shower (because you finally found time to take one in 3 days) when the landlord knocks on your door to tell you about her idea to post the verlauchen katze in the local paper. Again, nicest lady ever and completely unphased that I was half- naked.
8. Have the hubby go to the nearest tierheim and provide a look of desperation through the fence when the building is closed. Germans are nice and will actually help you when you need someone.
9. When you hear the cat cry from the exact bush you knew she'd be hiding in, drop all the groceries and climb through the thorns and brush until you're bleeding, and then make the hubby lay on the ground and crawl to her. Let's face it, he'll heal faster than you will. He also has a longer reach when the cat decides that scooting away from you is the most effective method to getting saved.
10. And finally, be sure to tell the other cat that his search radius does not need to include the entire town. You can come home mow Sergeant. We have Lucy safe inside...

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