Friday, July 15, 2011

I'm only human...

My last day at work is less than a week away.  That is unreal on
multiple levels.  Per usual, I have far too much to do in such a short
amount of time, so I'm resembling nothing shy of a chicken with her
head cut off. My soul has been anxious this past week, although I am
having trouble finding the source.  I suppose there comes a time when
we have to look inward and realize that we are only human, and whether
we like it or not change is something that affects us all.  Growing up
in the military we moved every 3-4 years, and sometimes we would move
3-4 times in one year.  That lifestyle became a virus in me that kept
me from being able to settle anywhere for more than a couple of years.
I'm sure other military "brats" and spouses know exactly what I'm
referring to.  It's that itch you get after you have been somewhere
for a couple of years that it's time for something new.  I used to
always say that I longed to be settled, but then once I finally was
settling in, I was anxious for change.

You would think with that frame of mind and outlook on life that
moving would really be "no big deal."  I mean, come on, we get a
moving company to come not only pick up all our stuff, but also to
pack it all.  Everything is paid for and all you have to do is show
up.  HA!  Wow, I really wish it worked that way.  I am thankful I did
not have to rent a U-haul, bribe friends with beer and pizza, and
carry heavy furniture and finagle awkwardly sized items down a narrow
and steep staircase.  That said, I challenge anyone that says that
military moves are a piece of cake to try one.  Then again, I'm sure
not everyone is as anal as I am and doesn't mind having their trash
included in their household goods and their bathroom items mixed with
their CDs and sports gear.  No matter how you cut it, moving is just a
bear for everyone whether you're moving down the street, or shipping off
thousands of miles across the Pacific ocean.

This move has been particularly tasking for me, and the challenges
have taken me by surprise.  I have always been that strong-willed
independent person that takes on these challenges with gusto and
refuses to recognize when the stress has taken over.  Maybe it's my
age, maybe it's the fact that I'm now a mother, or maybe it has
something to do with the fact that I'm a professional working mom that
is leaving everything behind to discover an entire new world with her
family.  I have been emailing with another JAG spouse in Germany and
she also has an amazing blog where she's been sharing the stresses of
her current Army move. We recently started talking about how sometimes
it is best to give in to the need to let it go.  Not everything has to
be perfect, and for crying out loud, we're human darnit!  And that
means it's ok for us to acknowledge that moving your family and life
to a new place, let alone a foreign country, is a challenge and it's
stressful, and THAT IS OK!

So, this blog post is all about thanking all of you - all of my
friends and family - for being there while I wade through these
challenges.  For being there when I know I must seem like a monster
because I can't see straight and I haven't slept for weeks. For
babysitting so I can run to the gym or buy needed items at the store.
But also for understanding that just because I need to cry, doesn't
mean I'm a weak person and that sometimes it's ok to release when
you've reached your limit.  It's true that we are not picking up from
a horrible tragedy like the mass destruction left from a tornado or an
earthquake, but even the good changes in life can be challenging.

Thank you all so very much. 

No comments:

Post a Comment