Saturday, January 10, 2015

This is my 40

Wow, 40, you truly snuck up on me. It seems absolutely crazy to me that I am 40 years old. Heading into a new decade of my life, and I swear it just gets better. I don't feel 40. Then again, I have no clue what it is supposed to feel like. A wise man once told me (that wise man being my grandpa) that you are only as old as you let yourself feel. Amen to that.

So, this is my 40. I would say it feels more like 20, but I was not a fan of 20. My body was younger, sure. My mind though? Yeah, not so much. My mom has always told me I was born with an old soul. That may be, but emotionally, I was a lost soul in my 20s. Constantly searching for who I was, while leading a life codependent on my relationships to help define my worth...

Let's just say, I couldn't wait to get to 30. I entered the last decade in a completely different place. I was single for the first time in forever, I had just completed my first semester of law school, and I my heart was confident and ready to take on the world. That's when I met Big R, and the rest is history. No wonder my 30s were so incredibly awesome :)

So, what does my 40 look like? It looks like another step into this amazing world I have somehow created with the love of my life. It's being a mother of two incredible young boys that fill my days with adventure and insanity. It's venturing back into the world of work as a newly revived attorney armed with far too much knowledge about how to globally effect change. It's embracing my rediscovered love for writing and finding ways to share it with other people.

At 40, I have finally accepted my body and all its imperfections. All those rolls and flab that remind me I created two beautiful children and the extra pounds I happily put on sharing a bottle of wine and too much chocolate with Big R. I'm slowly but surely figuring out the things in life that are important (i.e., see previous sentence), and those things that our society wants us to think are crucial but really mean nothing in the whole scheme of things. I know now that I can find myself with a quick yoga practice or an invigorating run, that going to the gym often depresses me (unless, of course, it has free child care - the little details, hehe), and that sugar is my nemesis.

Yep, it has taken 40 years, but I think I'm finally starting to figure out a few things about myself.  The biggest thing I have learned about myself is how much more I need to learn. I'm finally comfortable with who I am. I understand now that life is full of obstacles, adventure, impossible challenges, and sweet successes. It can be hard, and that's ok. My approach for this new decade is to remain open, to love life, try new things, and savor my experiences both good and bad. This might not always be the recipe for success. I can guarantee though that it will be all of the ingredients needed to live a full life.

So, hello 40! It is so great to see you! 

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