Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Monster mom

Monster mom is here full on in our house. Our children can't hide, they are exposed at every second to the wrath of my craziness. Seriously, I do think my inner monster is alive and putting it back is going to take some serious work. I've been caught in that mommy moment lately where your skin tingles because you feel like you are literally on the edge pretty much all the time. I'd say I'm exhausted, but honestly, that's not it at all. I'm just done. D-O-N-E. Love being a mom, love every inch of my children's soft skin, the never-ending kisses, and the unconditional love. That has been answered full on with irrationality this past few weeks. Daddy has been training, and being alone with the boys has not been difficult in the "doing it all by myself" category. Instead, they miss him, and the attention they get when we are both here. That's something I never really saw coming. This isn't the cause of all my monstrous tendencies, though, of course. Life is far too exciting for it to be one simple thing causing the mayhem.

My morning madness has turned into overwhelming insanity these days. Thank you day light savings for throwing my children into a sleepless funk that provides me with an extra hour of screaming laughter. It's fantastic on so many levels. HA! Little r has decided that he wants my undivided attention and baby c is in his way. That translates into pure, unadulterated antagonization. Baby c never gets a break from his brother's torment no matter how often I pull them apart. The poor kid is one crying mess until we get in the car to take little r to school. My general response to is to send him to his room. Little r responds by slamming the door and having a meltdown. Oh, and baby c isn't purely innocent in this whole scheme, that I am fully aware, but good grief! I know there is a solution to this deep in my bag of tricks, but that bag is completely AWAL at the moment.

As a mom, do you ever feel like you have forgotten how to talk without yelling? That the room starts spinning and you can't see straight because the crying is like nails on chalkboard? Yep. That's me. The worst part is, I know this all stems from me. I know that my little men feed off of my emotions. They sense my stress, they know I miss their daddy as much as they do, and they know I have a lot of things on my list to get done. Children know these things. They know them better than we think they do. Little r continues to be an expert at finding my buttons. His brilliance in this department is almost uncanny. Push, push, push. It's like that game we played as a kid where someone sits on top of your chest while you are laying down and slowly taps on your chest bone. It doesn't hurt, no pain at all, but it drives you completely mad anyway.

I love being a mom. I'm just not super crazy about this part. This part right here that wipes the smile off your face at breakfast when the cereal starts hitting the floor to a giggling soundtrack, when you disappear for 5 seconds to feed the cats, get dressed or brush your hair only to turn around and find your 5 year old pulling your toddler around the house by his blanket screaming his ever loving head off. The tantrums that happen because you refuse to let your children eat halloween candy all day long (wow, I NEVER hated candy more than I do this year), and the guilt you feel as a mother when you realize your toddler hasn't had a vegetable in several days. It's kind of all that. I love being a mom, but this is the tough part. I really don't want them to grow up too fast. In so many ways I already miss the sweet little babies they were, but pushing past this one small phase would be fantastic.

We have moments of insanity...

Moments of pure adorable calm...

And moments like these that make it all worth it...

Yep, monster mom is here, and I'm ready to send her packing. In the meantime, if you see her, try not to judge too much if she's wearing the same thing you saw her in yesterday or if she has yogurt in her hair. We are taking things one moment at a time these days, and we will get through this with some part of our sanity intact.


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